If you told me three years ago that I would now have two beautiful babies – a boy and a girl – born 16 months apart, I would have thought you were crazy! You see, three years ago I was walking through my first miscarriage and the medical toils and grief that went along with it. I saw the family I had pictured slipping through my fingers, and there were many times that year I truly wondered if I’d ever have children of my own. But in God’s grace-filled and ironic way, He’s allowed me to become a mother to these precious children within a short time span. Each day feels surreal to me. And to be honest, even the hardships of this season feel like a blessing because I *longed* for a life like this.

One of the biggest pieces of advice I wish I could go back and tell my newly-married self is to not be afraid of having kids. I was terrified of childbirth, the details of caring for a baby overwhelmed me (I wasn’t a big fan of newborns), and I honestly just didn’t think I’d like this stage of being a mom. Although there are scary moments, I didn’t expect to enjoy my babies as much as I do. I’m a multi-tasking, productivity-oriented, achievement-loving gal. EVERY single one of those things is nearly impossible when you have a child…much less two. But I’ve truly loved this season, even with it’s limitations and exhaustions. God is sanctifying and changing me every day and I know this season is a fleeting one. My main goal has been soaking up every cuddle, snotty smile, and new milestone.

So…what is life like with these two babies? The simple answer is: full, fun, and unpredictable.

For the long answer, I want to share with you some helpful answers to the questions I was asking myself just a few months ago.

What’s the main difference with baby #2?

I felt SO much more prepared, relaxed, and confident this time around simply because I’ve done it before and I know what I’m doing. The things that seemed challenging with Micah are easy now. I’ve realized the beautiful part about parenting is that it grows with you. There’s no way to “jump” to the next stage, you just have to figure out each new stage as it comes. Thankfully you don’t go from having a tiny baby to four teenagers in a day. You learn and adapt and take each new stage as it comes. There is much grace!

How will I give my first baby attention with the second one around?

I received lots of helpful advice on this one from friends and I’ve found it to be true for myself. Prioritize special one-on-one time with the older child when someone else is holding/caring for the younger one. There have been many evenings where Mason could hold Millie and I could play with Micah. But to be honest, this one hasn’t been nearly as hard for me as I expected because I forgot that newborns sleep A LOT! That ends up leaving plenty of time to play with the older child.

How can I entertain the toddler while the baby is nursing?

I again sought advice on this one and read several suggestions online like “bring a coloring book and crayons near where you’re nursing” or “have them sit in bed next to you as you feed.” I laughed at these because my 16-month old active boy would NEVER sit and color in the same spot for 40 minutes while I nurse. He probably wouldn’t even do the same thing for 4 minutes! So I had to get creative. I try to plan at least one feeding while he’s napping. But inevitably there are one or two other feedings during the day before Mason gets home. One of my go-to spots is Micah’s room where he has lots of toys and books and toddler-safe space to run around and play. But he really doesn’t like feeling enclosed in a room (with the door shut), so we installed a baby gate out in the hallway and close all other doors so he can have space to run around and feel “free.” It’s helpful to have special or new-feeling toys for those feeding times, but that only lasts so long when you’re feeding 8 times a day. He does whine a lot because he doesn’t get to go where he wants and doesn’t have my full attention, but that’s something I’ve tried to talk him through each time. My honest second go-to is screen time. We are very limited with the screen time we offer Micah, but if there’s a day I need/want to use it for 20 minutes, I’ll use it to keep him occupied during a feeding. Now that I’ve gotten a little more comfortable with it, I’ll plop down and feed in our room or the living room where I can see Micah and let him play, but there’s always more of a risk of him getting into something or jumping off furniture or falling (which all have happened already) while I’m nursing, which puts me in a quick decision about which child’s needs are more important in the moment. That has been a challenge. Which brings us to our next question.

How do I prioritize both child’s needs?

There are MANY competing needs with my toddler and baby every day. I end up making about 1,000 mini-decisions throughout the day about these. For example, Micah might have a very stinky dirty diaper and Millie is desperately hungry. In that moment, I may choose the quicker fix (diaper) at the expense of Millie’s momentary hunger. But in another moment, Micah may be hungry and whiny but the baby is fussing through some gas. I may choose to attend to her and get her calmed down because he can wait and it also teaches him patience and recognizing the needs of others (I explain this to him as he has to wait). The honest truth is that Millie is a very chill baby and most of the time her needs aren’t as constant or immediate as Micah’s are. One dear friend also advised and reminded me that the toddler will also remember and be impacted more by the minute-to-minute needs than the baby since they are so young. That was helpful for me to hear. And at the end of the day, everyone’s needs are met even if there is a delay or there is some crying along the way. (Honestly mine are the ones that get put MOST on my backburner during the day.) I give myself a lot of grace and try to zoom out and see the big picture of their growth and development.

What items do I actually need for a second baby?

My answer to this question somewhat depends on if your second baby is the same gender or not. If not, you may want some different clothes and shoes and nursery items. We made another registry and were gifted every additional thing we needed for Millie. I also embraced all the hand-me-down clothes from my sister and cousin’s baby girls. But regardless of gender, here are the things I recommend getting, specifically if you have two kids close together: a second crib (here’s the one we got off Facebook Marketplace), a double stroller (this one is the BEST), a second Hatch, changing station, and blackout curtain set, a second monitor that pairs with what you already have (this is the one we use), and a second car seat if you haven’t already gotten one (our favorite has quickly become the EvenFlo Revolve360). To be honest, you don’t “need” much because you end up reusing so much of what you already have.

How can I settle into a routine?

With a newborn, you basically have a different “routine” every week because of how much they change and based on their eating schedule. This has been one of the most challenging parts in the sense that I can’t plan to do the same things at the same time every day. Instead, I look at my day in “blocks.” The morning will always be breakfast, a feeding, and playtime. Mid-day will involve lunch, another feeding, and Micah’s naptime. In the late afternoon we will take a walk and play outside, prep and eat dinner, have bath time (with another feeding thrown in there somewhere), and family worship to close the day. Millie’s naps and diaper changes flow in there as needed and will get more structured as she gets older and I go back to work. I’ve had to be more flexible with each day’s schedule with adding a second baby and I’m learning that structure really is helpful, but being too rigid isn’t always realistic with the ebbs and flows of life. My FAVORITE resource regarding baby routines is Babywise. This book is a must-read for all parents.

How can I get out and about?

Although it’s easier to stay home, it is always really helpful for me in my postpartum journey to get out and do things. First of all, if you truly can’t get out, I always find it helpful to invite people to come to you. I’m not exaggerating when I say I always have one to two visits lined up each day postpartum because it helps keep an extra set of hands around and helps keep my extraverted self encouraged and filled up. We don’t have family close by, but our church family has been that support for me! You may enjoy and be encouraged by something different, but whatever it is…do it! Find a way to go on a date with your spouse after the first few weeks, even if you have to bring the smallest baby. That has been so important and refreshing to me in this season. Lastly, find ways to go out and do things! Run errands, do a special activity for the older child, go to the park. I reserve that for days when I have an extra set of hands in my husband or a babysitter. You can also find help with the older child and have a special outing with the baby. It will never be perfect and will probably always be interrupted by a feeding or a dirty diaper, but I think it’s worth it.

Will I ever sleep again?

We worked so hard to get Micah sleeping through the night consistently at a young age and it has really benefitted him and us. But when Millie was born, I had forgotten how sleepless the first months can be. I’ll plug Babywise and Taking Cara Babies here because they have been really helpful resources for me. But the short answer is YES, we will all sleep again! I remind myself that this is a season and a precious one at that. I look for ways to maximize night sleep or even take naps the next day if necessary to stay functional for my faimly.

I write all this (hopefully) as an encouragement to you and as a reminder for me of the details this unique season brings to my life. It is hard, but it is so joyful and it is what I’ve prayed for. That’s what keeps me going each and every day. Whatever season you’re in, I pray you’ll join me in committing every part of it to the Lord and embracing the biblical calling it fulfills.