“I just wish they would stop trying to ‘fix’ me,” said Talia* of a singles conference she had attended. Talia is a wonderful, middle-aged, Christian lady who works at her church. She’s never been married.

I saw the hurt and rejection in Megan’s* eyes as she told me about a boy she liked who had chosen someone else. She wants to find her identify in Christ, but that is hard when sorting through the unfairness and immaturity of others in high school.

“She didn’t want to go on a second date,” mumbled Seth* who had been waiting patiently on God’s best for many years. He was pursuing dating again after a hurtful breakup in his past, but had a hard time entering that world knowing that pain it could cause.

Singleness – no matter what form it takes – brings emotions and hurts and insecurities and fears to the surface of hearts and minds. Anyone who has experienced this knows what I’m describing, and yet if you’re reading these words, you probably came looking for some comfort – perhaps a solution to the emptiness or confusion you’re feeling.

You came to the right place.

You see, God DOES have purpose in singleness. In fact, a quick perusal of Scripture and Jesus’ life may hint that singleness is intended to be a blessing and not a curse. Let’s investigate 3 reminders together.

1. Singleness isn’t a problem to be solved.

Singleness – as painful as it may be – is not our biggest problem anymore than marriage would be the biggest solution to our problems. God certainly knows our desires for a spouse and a family – because He gave us those very desires! But the hole in our heart and the nagging feeling of missing out isn’t ultimately rooted in singleness, it’s rooted in lack of intimacy with God.

That truth is what revolutionized my years of singleness. I (painfully) shifted my mindset from marriage being the goal to honoring Christ above all being the goal. I used to love playing the “woe is me” game, thinking about how no one had ever wanted to date me and dreaming of the magical man who would one day see me for who I really was and ride in on his white stallion and rescue me from my pitiful state as a single woman. That was all wrong. You see, I was in a pitiful state and needed rescued. But it wasn’t because of my singleness, it was because of my sinfulness. And my savior could never be a human man (I hate to break it to you, humans will let you down every time). It had to be a Savior who was King of All – the Lord Jesus Christ.

If we truly believe that God is sovereign over all and that His will and timing are perfect, then we must trust when His answer is “no” or “wait.” We must stop treating the condition of singleness as an ailment to be cured, but rather ask ourselves, “How can I use this (and any) season God allows in my life to glorify Him more fully?”

2. Singleness is a benefit.

Although it seems countercultural in every way, Paul has some pointed reminders for us about the benefits of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do” (v.8).

He goes on to explain, “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided” (v. 32-34).

As much as we aim to keep the Lord central in our married lives, it is far more difficult and distraction-filled than if we are single (I’m speaking from experience). Regardless of the length of your singleness journey, every single day is an opportunity for greater undistracted devotion to the Lord, and this is precisely what Paul is getting at.

I still have some of my sweetest and most intimate memories with the Lord from my own season of singleness – many from nights on the bathroom floor in prayer and meditation. I listened to sermons voraciously, witnessed to every person I met, and served diligently in the church. Those are just a few of the ways your singleness can be a benefit to your walk with the Lord and the Body of Christ.

Although I am a huge proponent of achieving personal goals during this time as well (i.e. education, travel, saving, being an entrepreneur), the most beneficial way you can use your time of singleness is to pursue God wholeheartedly.

3. Singleness is a time of preparation.

Singleness is also a time to prepare. In case you didn’t know, who you are now is still who you will be if you’re married, in a new job, have kids, or become famous.

But what exactly is this preparation for? Many of you might ask this with a smile, picturing your wedding day. Yet God has a wedding feast much bigger in mind:

“Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready,” Revelation 19:7.

Whether you will be married on earth or not, God has a grand calling and beautiful union awaiting you in eternity: the Lamb and His Bride, the church. It’s easy to overlook, but THIS is what you’re preparing for: that glorious day when you will see your Savior face-to-face and HE will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” (Matthew 25:23).

Spiritual preparation is much like preparation for battle: we must armor up (Ephesians 4). We must examine our character, habits, holiness, and goals to see if they align with the will of God. We must plead with the Lord for a community of believers to run this race alongside.

Prayer is a big part of preparation. In those moments where the ache of loneliness feels overwhelming, bring your desires to God in prayer. I spent many Valentine’s Days and vulnerable moments curled up with a journal to my future husband. As you’re praying, it’s helpful to focus on the Lord more than the hope of a future spouse. Pray that God would keep your desire for Him above all. Pray that God would make His will clear at the right time. Pray for contentment and purity regardless of relationship status. Pray that your character would be shaped in godliness. Pray for opportunities to grow, learn, and serve as you wait.

This time of preparation can also involve spiritual goal setting. How do you want to grow in love for the Lord each year? Do you feel called to go on a mission trip? Have you ever read through the Bible in a year? Just as it can be fun to set goals and do special things with a significant other, you can cultivate a love relationship with your Heavenly Father in intentional ways.

Singleness is hard, but I’m convinced that our Christian culture often alienates and minimizes the impact and value that comes along with it. Regardless of your circumstances and season, know that God has great purpose for you and is beckoning you to know Him more each and every day.

*Talia, Megan, and Seth’s names have been changed for their privacy. They are all real people with real stories who I’ve spoken to in just the last few weeks.